Sunday, 22 March 2015

Poutine Ninja Training Part 1 - Bet

Howdy Ho Everybodies!!!

While we wait for the last three Iditarod Mushers to finish, and the red lantern is blown out, I thought I'd give you an update on the stuffs and things a'happening at North Wapiti Kennels!

As you know, I'm the officially official nanny of North Wapiti, and I'm also the officially official trainer of itty bitty Pretty Curly Tails, and I'm a mentor for them as they grow up, and I have to teach them every aspect of Pretty Curly Tailness.

One of these aspects is Ninja skills.

You never know when they'll be on the trail and face a fearsome adversary and need to go all ninja on that adversary.  This is where I come in.

I am a certified Ninja.  I even have my very impressive certificate from Bob's House of Ninja Skills in Walla Walla, Washington.

So, you can clearly see that I am fully qualified to teach the Poutines how to take care of themselves.

I'll be honest, normally I start a lot earlier in their lives, but since I had to go with the Musher to a few races, I kinda fell behind in my training, so I took the time during the lull in everythings to catch up on training.

I decided that I would start with Opie and Gem.  They seem to have a lot more energy, and I didn't want to run the risk of having Opie Googles the Ninja training and learn the wrong way.  There is a right way and a wrong way to become a Ninja.

Bet: Ok little Poutinis, it's time for your Ninja training!

Opie: Aw Auntie Bet, there aren't any more Ninjas, they all died off....

Bet: Opie, not everything you read on the Interwebs is true!  There is a Bigfeets, and there are aliens, and Ninjas do exist, I have a certificate to prove that!  Now, both of you get down so we can start our training

Bet: Come on you two, get down there so we can start!

Bet: Ok, so today we're going to learn how to use your environment in both defensive and offensive Ninja skills stuffs and things.

Gem: Do I get to jump up and over things today because that would be really fun, you know I can jump on things and I can jump over things and jumping is pretty nimble and Ninja-like don't you think?

Bet: um... yes.

Bet: Ok, Gem, since you want to jump on things, why don't you demonstrate to me how to use your environment offensively, and Opie you will be the defensive attacker type things and stuffs

Gem: wha?

Opie: Just go hide somewhere and I'll pounce on you

Gem: Oh, why didn't she just say that then, ok, I'll go hidey hide and you seeky seek me and we'll have fun and I can jump over things!!!

Bet: Um, Gem sweetie, that's not a very good spot to hide, pretty much your whole body is exposed to the attacker

Gem: No it's not, it's a very good hidey spot because I blend in with the rocks and nobody can see me

Bet: Um, then why am I standing here talking to you

Gem: Nobody here but some rocks!

Bet: Okey Dokey, um, Opie, you know what you need to do then, right.

Opie: Well, I don't think it's very fair that I attack her when she's wedged into the rocks and everythings.

Bet: That's exactly what your adversary wants!  "Oooh look at me, I'm wedged in some rocks and helpless" and then BAM!  They stomp on you with pointy hooves!!!

Opie:  She doesn't have pointy hooves, what are you talking about?

Bet: just gnaw on her some!

Opie: How about I just squish her a little

Gem:  Nobody here, don't know who you're talking to, I'm just a rock

Bet: Gnaw on her!

Opie: I don't want to be a Ninja if I have to gnaw on things

Bet: Oh my goodness, it's not hard to gnaw on things, let me show you

Bet: gnaw, gnaw, gnaw!  See, I have her totally under my ninja spell.  Now you try it!

Gem: Hi Opie, don't hurt me ok?

Opie: Hey handler person, can we go to the library or something, I don't want to be a ninja.

Bet: Sigh, some pups are just not cut out to be Ninjas.  I really do think that Opie will get a desk job, and Gem will show up on "Dancing with the Stars".

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