A Carefully Worded Blog...

I have a pretty twisted sense of humor. I think you would all agree there is really no doubt about that. That is probably why I find this story amusing and am compelled to share it. I hope most of you see the humor as I do and are not too offended.

We were approached by a Siberian Husky breeder in Australia a while back about using Crunchie and Q at stud on a few of her well bred Siberians.
Normally when this happens the owner of the female will ship her up to the home of the male for a few 'dates', after which she will return home to whelp out her litter 63 days later. However, with the long travel times and quarantine restrictions involved in sending a dog to and from Oz, that is not practical in this sort of situation. In this kind of case the general practice is that semen will be collected, frozen, shipped and implanted in the female at the appropriate time - of course, there is a ton of paperwork and technology in most of the process.....most of the process...

The 'collection' on the male is well....not very technical. Our reproductive specialist vet had to have carpel tunnel syndrome surgery a few years back. I'll leave it to you all to figure out the 'repetitive action' and then you should have sorted out the mechanics of the collection process. *Ahem*

An 'in season' female will be used to 'arouse' the male before the vet 'steps in'.

Ironically, after all the testing was done on the boys (blood work to ensure their rabies and other vaccinations had sufficiently protected them and any of their 'little boys') I didn't have a single female in the yard that was in season to act as a 'teaser'. After all my issues on Iditarod you would think just ONE of those girls would have been nice enough to help me out, but no.

No fear, our repro vet specialist is a renowned breeder of Golden Retrievers. She called to let me know she had a girl in heat. Awesome. Q and Crunchie were loaded into the dog truck and driven the 2 hours to the Clinic for their 'happy ending' vet visit.

Q was a perfect gentleman in the waiting room allowing George, the 14 month old male boxer waiting his appointment to crawl all over him and chew on his neck. When it was time he flirted with the very cute and sassy Golden and happily donated a lot of 'little Qs' for a trip 'down under'. Good boy Q.
Then it was Crunchie's turn.

He was also a gentleman and the other couple in the waiting room commented on what a nice dog he was. "He's young, isn't he?", the woman asked. She about fell off her chair when I answered that he had just had his 11th birthday. =)

The cute little Golden swung her hips provocatively as Crunchie followed her down the hall to the 'collection room'. He sniffed,  flirted a bit, and was pretty 'worked up' when the vet stepped in. "WHAT THE.......??????", said Crunchie as he shot a glance my way, "WHAT IS THIS WOMAN DOING?????"
There were going to be no 'mini Crunchies' available for the trip to Oz today. 

Apparently Crunchie doesn't 'do' blondes...or maybe it was the floppy ears, or the lack of a curly tail...whatever ..... this hot little Golden could not get Crunchie...ahem....'worked up' enough to overlook human involvement in his love life.

No fear, this is not unheard of, in fact, his father, the truly super Grover, was the same way. We didn't have time to wait for one of my girls to come into season (semen must be collected within a certain window after the blood work is done), so the vet suggested I bring in one of my girls, they would 'scent' her with a swab from the Golden and we be 'good to go' - or Crunchie would be.

The aptly named Trampie is by far the most 'desirable' girl in my kennel (at least to the male Siberians here). If she was human, she'd be a cute, bouncy, blonde cheerleader. She flashes a wink at my boys and they melt into a puddle of testosterone.
So yesterday Q (we wanted to get 2 collections of each boy as insurance), Crunchie and Trampie jumped into the dog truck for the trip to the city.

Trampie sashayed into the room with Q drooling hotly at her heels. She batted her eyelashes at him, he took a sniff of the swab and in moments we had a second batch of 'swimmers' .

Then it was Crunchie's turn. Tramp flirted, Crunchie sniffed.... his 'attention' was obtained and the vet moved in.
Eyes rolls from my stud dog and it was 'game over'.

*sigh*

Apparently The Man has standards. I guess I should have expected it.

We aren't out of options yet, but the boy is not making it easy.

Q says Crunchie is insane. "BEST vet visits EVER", according to him.